November 2, 2021 / by Lesley Friedland and the FamilyKind Team
“Give thanks for a little, and you will find a lot.”
Upcoming FamilyKind Happenings
Thank you Everyone for Making FamilyKind’s 2021 Autumn Event a Success!
Our Fall Event is over, but you can still donate to The Tziporah Pronman Fund to Embrace Families
In partnership with
The program will examine the role cultural diversity plays in our relationships, families, and communities, especially when families experience separation or divorce. Speakers will explore ways matrimonial professionals and Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) practitioners can develop cultural empathy and understand how culture can add value to or limit the dispute resolution process. This program will help professionals be better equipped to establish culturally-sensitive and culturally-supportive structures that facilitate access to and effective participation in family dispute resolution, improving negotiation and increasing the likelihood of achieving reasonable compromises in divorce. Closed captioning will be available for this program.
November 15, 2021, 1 pm EDT
The term grey divorce reflects the trend of an increasing divorce rate for older couples, defined as people over 50 years old who have been in long-term marriages. We will describe the reasons for the rise in grey divorces, and many of the issues that face couples before, during, and after such divorces through the lens of the novel “A Grey Divorce Support Group: From Pain to Peace,” authored by co-presenter Susan L. Pollet, Esq., former Director of the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program, former Executive Director of the Pace Women’s Justice Center, and family court attorney for over twenty years. Co-Presenter Hon. Evelyn Frazee will bring her 26 years as a Justice of the Supreme Court in New York State to the discussion.
In our presentation, we will discuss:
What grief looks like in a grey divorce
Issues for adult children of grey divorce
Health issues, both mental and physical, with grey divorce
Ways to improve the health of parties to a grey divorce
Financial issues with grey divorces, including age discrimination in employment, and how to best handle those issues
Some resources for grey divorces
For more Peer-to-Peer webinars, please visit our Media Archive Page
Please remember to support FamilyKind on Giving Tuesday, November 30th.
Join us on Giving Tuesday – the global day of giving that inspires millions of people to come together. After your Black Friday and Cyber Monday shopping, we ask that you mark your calendars and open your heart.
This year, Giving Tuesday will be held on November 30th. We hope you can help us reach our goal to continue our mission in supporting families experiencing divorce or separation. More details to come!
We appreciate your support throughout this campaign.
If you already shop on Amazon, or if you’d like to sign up now, we invite you to shop at AmazonSmile and choose FamilyKind Ltd as your charity. Amazon will donate 0.5 percent of the total of your purchases to FamilyKind.
Turning Burnout & Compassion Fatigue Into a Good Thing! Tips for Managing Stress
By Carolyn Kalos, Esq. Reaction to an article entitled: Attorney At Work, by Gray Robinson
My Own Burnout/Compassion Fatigue
After reading this article I began to think about my own experience in my prior role as an attorney representing children in child abuse, neglect, and high conflict custody cases. I was happy advocating for children in this role for almost 20 years – until the day I wasn’t. It didn’t happen overnight, though it may have felt that way at the time, but when it happens – it’s paralyzing.
Finding my way back to a place of Empathy
Once I realized how truly unhappy I was, I decided that I would discover a new way to utilize my skills and my desire to help children and families. I talked about this journey in my first blog. I was very lucky – a lot of people helped me, and guided me to a new and satisfying career in mediation, parent coordination, divorce coaching – all alternatives to Court – all non-adversarial, less conflictual ways to restructure families. I was able to move beyond burnout and compassion fatigue to engagement and working from a place of empathy.
For any who are wondering how – I utilized many of the suggestions in Gray Robinson’s article.
Talk to someone. I leaned on my family and my friends. I am lucky to be surrounded by like minded professionals who understood, and who were, and are supportive. I am part of a Secondary Trauma Group at FamilyKind where I have found a wonderful group of dedicated colleagues who understand the challenges and who can empathize with my struggles. We all support each other so we can continue to do the work that is as challenging as it is rewarding.
Understand the symptoms of compassion fatigue are natural and can be managed. I had heard about and been to dozens of trainings and workshops on compassion fatigue and never truly understood it until I experienced it. But when I did – I knew it was an unfortunate but normal occurrence for professionals in my field – so I could identify it, understand it, and deal with it.
Take more and longer vacations. This is a tricky one as my timing lined up with lockdown. I would not have wished the pandemic on anyone, but it gave me a chance to catch my breath, to pause any outside responsibilities and to nest at home with my family.
Establish healthy routines, including sleep. Once again, the horrors of the pandemic ended up creating an environment for me where I could incorporate better sleep, better nutrition, and healthy routines. And once I had established them, and realized how much I had been missing, I was able to plan to incorporate them going forward, regardless of the world events.
Develop interests outside of your career. While I would love to report that I am a gourmet cook, or took up knitting or something intellectual, but my husband and I have been enjoying binge watching a wide variety of series!
Assess your practice area and adjust if necessary. This is the major way my life has changed – I no longer litigate and have focused my whole practice on keeping families out of court.
Find experiences that give you joy and practice them daily. I love working from home, and have created my own space with photos and wall hangings that bring me joy and enable me to focus on my work from a place of calm and productivity.
Belly laugh. Well – I have to say this one is a bit harder as I spend much of the day by myself, but I never miss an opportunity to laugh at anything – online, on tv or when one of my kids or my dog is being hilarious.
Connect with people you love. This is one of the best things that COVID has taught me. You don’t have to be near people to connect.
For any of you who are stressed, suffering from burnout or compassion fatigue, know you are not alone – there is a name for this, a “treatment” plan, and an escape. Identifying you are not where you want to be is the first, and most important, step.
Sign Up for Our Online Parenting Class for Divorcing or Separating Parents (Court Approved!)
During COVID-19 parents needing court-approved parenting education for divorcing and separating families can take the online version of our class. This 4.5-hour class is approved by the Office of Court Administration and satisfies all New York State court mandates of parents experiencing divorce, separation or those who are unmarried co-parents. Click here for more information and to register for the class.
Parents have 30 days from the time they register to complete the class and may review any portions they desire.
For more information, contact firstname.lastname@example.org or call 212-769-3057.
Here is what parents who take FamilyKind’s online classes say:
“The principles of respectful parenting, and developing my own emotional health is the best way to develop my child’s emotional health.”
“A great environment, extremely helpful and insightful. I’m looking forward to change.” “I wish I knew about this class before.”
Consider supporting FamilyKind in your year-end tax planning!
As FamilyKind is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization, contributions are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.
Because of the CARES and Consolidated Appropriations Acts, you can take up to a $300 tax deduction if single and $600 if married for a charitable contribution in 2021 even if you don’t itemize.
Contributing appreciated stock is a tax-smart way to donate while managing your portfolio.
If you need to take RMDs (Required Minimum Distributions) from a retirement account, making a Qualified Charitable Distribution (QCD) may help meet your RMD and yield important tax benefits.
All these forms of contributions provide much-needed funds for FamilyKind’s education and support services for families going through divorce and separation. Email email@example.com for any additional information. Please consult your tax advisor to address your specific tax situation.